Barry’s post inagural interview

reporter “How do you plan on ending the war in the middle east”

me “one word, nuclearfuckingweapon” “oh and props to Dennis Leary for that one”

reporter “Dennis Leary?”

me “yeah, I made him Sec of Defense”

reporter “oh god help us”

me “no shit, three more years of me then its Eli’s turn”

reporter “who is Eli”

me “oh, sorry the ticket said E, Vice Presidence E’s real name is Eli”

reporter “ok, I always thought a one letter name is weird”

me “not really, we like to call him Legolas, Blond Jesus, Young Clapton, or just plain Dude”

reporter “and how is it again that you two were voted into the White House?”

me “I invited the whole country to a massive keg party on the lawn, if you hurry you can join the skinny dipping happening at the reflecting pool over by George’s place”

reporter “George?”

me “George Washington, good lord lady, aren’t you educated?”