You know your from Iowa When

• you are from a town that has nearly as many churches and bars as houses. ( tommaher@bellsouth.net )
• you bought a case of beer in one of those little towns when you were 16. ( tommaher@bellsouth.net )
• you live in a beautiful old house with transparent plastic sheeting over the stom windows. ( tommaher@bellsouth.net )
• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
• “Vacation” means driving through the Amanas, going to Adventureland or Okoboji.
• You’ve seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
• Snow tires are standard on your car.
• You “go into town”
• You have no concept of public transportation.
• The only reason you go to Missouri is for fireworks
• You wear shorts when it’s 50 degrees out in March, but bundle up and?complain in August when it goes below 60 degrees.
• You have gone trick-or-treating in 2 feet of snow.
• You “warsh” your clothes.
• State Wresting was a big deal at your high school
• You measure distance in minutes
• The nearest?Gap and Ann Taylor are at least 90 minutes away
• Down south to you means Missouri
• You know several people who have hit a deer
• You were allowed to get a “school permit” to drive at age 14 if you lived more than a mile from school
• You have no problem spelling or pronouncing “Des Moines”
• You could play “Iowa Bingo” with county road names when traveling from town?to town (C65, D15, P36, N19, etc.)
• You know the answer to the question, “Is this Heaven?”
• Your school classes were canceled because of cold
• Your school classes were canceled because of heat
• You know what “Hawks” and “Clones” are.
• You’ve ridden the school bus for an hour each way
• You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day
• You know what’s knee-high by the Fourth of July
• Stores don’t have bags, they have sacks
• You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
• You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
• You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:”Where’s my coat at?” or “If you go to the mall I wanna go with.”
• All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable
• Detassling was your first job
• You’ve ever been on a “Geode Hunt”
• Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice
• You say catty wampes instead of kitty-corner
• You learn your pickup will run without a muffler
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both ?unlocked
• You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O?salad with marshmallows
• You drink “pop.”
• When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, “It was?different.”
• Going to Target is your idea of FUN
• Being a bit younger, you remember Terry Branstad as governor the whole time?you were growing up.
• You consider being called a “Pork Queen” an honor.
• People from other states love to hear you say “Iowa” and other words with “Os” in them.
• You carry jumper cables in your car.
• You know what the numbers I-80, 280 and 380 mean
• You know what “cow tipping” is
• During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids.
  You are related to more than half the town.
  You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance.
  Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it reaches back to town before you do.
  You don’t put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather.
  Your quarterback is hurt and you’re hoping it’s the first thing on the 6 o’clock news.
  There’s a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it.
  The local gas station sells live bait.
  You don’t buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.
  You go to the State fair for your family vacation.
  You get up at 5:30 a.m. and go down to the coffee shop.
  You’re on a first name basis with the county sheriff.
  Little smokies are something you serve on special occasions.
  You go to the river because it’s almost like going to the ocean.
  You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial.
  All your radio preset buttons are country.
  You try to find the cheapest room rates when going out of town.
  Using the elevator involved a corn truck.
  Your mayor is also your garbage hauler, barber, and insurance salesman.
  You know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
  You are walking knee-deep in snow.
  You call the wrong number and talk to the person for an hour anyway.
  Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out.
  You talk with a friend about some big event you are going to attend, and by the end of the conversation you’ve decided you’re both too broke to go.
  You know cow pies aren’t made of beef.
  Your early morning prayer covers rain, cattle and pigs.
  You wake up when it’s dark and go to bed when it’s still light.
  You consider a romantic evening driving through Hardees and renting a hunting instructional video.
  You want to buy manure.
  You listen to “Paul Harvey” every day at noon.
  You can tell it’s a farmer working late in his field and not a UFO.
  Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code.
  You leave your snow tires on year-round..
  You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.
  You know the code names for everyone on the CB.
  You pick up all the free stuff at the State Fair.
  You’ll skip your cousin’s funeral for the first day of deer season.
  You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds.
  You don’t clean up the dog’s mess because it’s just fertilizer.
  You wear your irrigation boots to church.
  You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays before the Sunday drivers come out.
  It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it’s clear across town.
  You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feed lot apart.
  The meaning of true love is that you’ll ride in the tractor with him.
  You consider a building a mall if it’s bigger than the local Wal-Mart.

Tags: iowa, iowa jokes, you know your from iowa