Archive for January, 2010

Funny Newspaper Headlines

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn’t you say?

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter


This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial
Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings
before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!! !
They put in a correction the next day.




I just couldn’t help but sending this along. Too funny.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

No crap, really? Ya think?

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Personified Inanimate Objects – Male or Female

Male or Female?
You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either
male or female.  Here are some examples:
cid:8793495D-CD14-4BC7-8702-9F3874239053
FREEZER
BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see
right through them.
cid:668F026A-920C-4DD2-AF46-F50D5836958D
PHOTOCOPIERS:
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them
up again.
They
are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,
but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong
Buttons.
cid:6110EC0B-CE92-4414-8ACC-405FAC48D99D
TIRES:
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over
inflated
cid:F4FB89E7-252E-46DA-9EAE-E6D3B2BF5D42
HOT
AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere,
you have to light a fire under their butt.
cid:FA779BD6-4F12-469C-A258-6CCA92BF9206
SPONGES:
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain
water..
(ain?t
that the truth)
cid:6DD058D5-2296-48E5-8EF1-C850F52289B6
WEB
PAGES:

Female,
because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit
on.
cid:BF5E529B-614A-45B3-BF04-819208C8FBCE
TRAINS:
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking
up people.
cid:DD628713-95DD-401D-A9D6-534792FBEDA4
EGG
TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts
to the bottom.
cid:8DFDC405-5CED-4E0D-86D2-D9A84410212C
HAMMERS:
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and
are occasionally handy to have around.
cid:5EF64EF2-78B5-4B0A-961B-B2E4A7FBD1DE
THE
REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it
would
be
male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost
without it, and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he
just keeps trying

Truths of Life – Confucious Says

Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue.

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Funny Lawyer Questions – Funny Lawyer Jokes

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

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Funny Motivational Posters – Even More Great Pictures

Today’s latest installment of funny motivational posters.  Let’s face it.  No matter what you do you will never, NEVER be as cool as the bull riding monkey.

Retards Motivational Pictures

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