Customer: ‘I’ve been
ringing 0800 2100 for two days and
can’t get through to enquiries, can you help?’.
Operator: ‘Where did you get that number from, sir?’.
Customer: ‘It was on the door to the Travel Centre’.
Operator: ‘Sir, they are our opening hours’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
———
——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
Samsung Electronics
Caller: ’Can you give me the telephone
number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are
talking about’.
Caller: ’On page 1, section 5, of the
user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine
from
the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can
you
give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ’I think you mean the telephone point on
the wall’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
———
—-
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: ’Does your European Breakdown
Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?’
Operator: ’ Doesn’t the product name give you a
clue?’
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
———
—-
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in
France ):
‘If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering
wheel
to the other side of the car?’
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
———
—-
Directory Enquiries
Caller: ‘I’d like the
number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please’.
Operator: ’I'm sorry, there’s no
listing. Is the spelling correct?’
Caller: ‘Well, it used
to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
———
—-
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in
Woven.
Operator: ’Woven? Are you sure?’
Caller: ‘Yes. That’s what it
says on the label; Woven in Scotland ‘.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
———
—-
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a
phone box
told a worried operator:
‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the
number
on’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
———
—-
Tech Support: ’I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop’.
Customer: ‘OK’.
Tech Support: ’Did you get a pop-up menu?’.
Customer: ‘No’.
Tech Support: ’OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a
pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No’.
Tech Support: ’OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?’.
Customer: ’Sure. You told me to
write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click”.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
———
—-
Tech Support: ’OK. In the bottom left
hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
Customer: ‘Wow.
How can you see my screen from there?’
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
———
—-
Caller: ’I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just
realised
that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I
have my
file back again?’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
———
—-
———— ——— ——— ——— —-
There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things
in a
long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.
This is
a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed
from a
recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say
the
Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing
the Word
Perfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause’.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I
know why they record these conversations! ):
Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance;
may I help you?’
Caller: ’Yes, well, I’m
having trouble with WordPerfect.’
Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’
Caller: ’Well, I was just
typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Caller: ’They
disappeared.’
Operator: ‘Hmm So what does your screen look
like now?’
Caller: ’Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Caller: ’It’s blank; it
won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or
did you get out??’
Caller: ’How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the C: prompt on the
screen??’
Caller: ’What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your
cursor around the screen?’
Caller: ’There isn’t any
cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power
indicator??’
Caller: ’What’s a
monitor?’
Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on
it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells
you when
it’s on??’
Caller: ‘I don’t know.’
Operator: ’Well, then look on the back
of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you
see
that??’
Caller: ’Yes, I think
so.’
Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the
plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
Caller: ’Yes, it is.’
Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor,
did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of
it,
not just one??’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ’Well, there are. I need you
to look back there again and find the other cable…’
Caller: ‘Okay, here it
is.’
Operator: ’Follow it for me, and tell
me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’
Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator: ’Uh huh. Well, can you see if
it is??’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ’Even if you maybe put your
knee on something and lean way over??’
Caller: ‘Oh, it’s not
because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator: ’Dark??’
Caller: ‘Yes – the
office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from
the
window.
‘ Operator: ‘Well, turn on
the office light then.’
Caller: ‘I can’t.’
Operator: ’No? Why not??’
Caller: ‘Because there’s
a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A
power……. .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked
now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer
came in??’
Caller: ‘Well, yes, I
keep them in the closet.’
Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and
unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got
it. Then
take it back to the store you bought
it from.’
Caller: ’Really?
Is it that bad?’
Operator: ’Yes, I’m afraid it
is.’
Caller: ‘Well,
all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’
Operator: ’Tell them you’re too
f — ing stupid to own a
computer!!!! !’
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