Funny Emails

The Good news:
It was a normal day In Sharon Springs Kansas , when a
Union Pacific crew boarded a Loaded coal train for the long trek to Salina
.

The Bad news:
Just a few miles into the trip a wheel bearing became overheated
and melted, letting a metal support drop down and grind on the rail, creating
white hot molten metal droppings spewing down to the
rail.

The Good news:
A very alert crew noticed smoke about halfway back in the train
and immediately stopped the train in compliance with the
rules.

The Bad news:
The train stopped with the hot wheel over a wooden bridge with
creosote ties and trusses.

The crew tried to explain to higher-ups but were instructed not to
move the train!

They were instructed Rules prohibit moving the train when a part is
defective!

REMEMBER, RULES ARE RULES!
Don’t ever let common sense get in the
way of a Good disaster!

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction
site noticed the coarse language of the workers and
decided to spend some time with them to correct
their ways.She decided she would take her lunch and sit with
the workers; and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked
over to the spot where the men were eating.

Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked:
“And do you men know Jesus Christ?”
They
shook their heads and looked at each other… very confused.

One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out,

“Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?”

One of the steelworkers yelled down, “Why?”

The steelworker replied:
“‘Cause his wife’s here with his lunch.”

In a recent
news broadcast, it was announced that
Lorena Bobbitt ‘s sister Louella
Was arrested for an alleged
attempt to perform
The same act on her husband
As her famous
sister had done several years ago.
Sources reveal the sister was not
as accurate as Lorena.

She allegedly missed the target and
stabbed her
Husband in the upper
Thigh causing severe muscle and
tendon damage.
The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable

Condition, and Louella has been charged with …
?

?

?

?

A Misdewiener!

You know darn well you’re going to send this on to somebody

If you read a recent front page story of the SF Chronicle, you
would have read about a female humpback whale who had become
entangled in a spider web of crab traps and
lines.   She was weighted down by hundreds of
pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat.
She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around
her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her
mouth.
A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallon Islands
(outside the Golden Gate ) and radioed an environmental
group for help.

Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she
was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and
untangle her.

They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her.

When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles.

She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and
nudged them, pushed them gently around ~she was thanking
them. Some said it was the most incredibly
beautiful experience of their lives.

The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes
were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you.

And, may you always know the joy
of giving and receiving gratitude.

I pass this on to you, my friends, in the same spirit
The best part of this story is that it is true!

Confirmed to be true at snopeshttp://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/whalethanks.asp

Have you ever slapped your forehead and asked yourself,

“Just how the hell did this happen?”