Funny Emails

Today, if
Dorothy were to encounter Men with no brains, no
hearts, and no courage -

She wouldn’t be in Oz -

She’d be in
Congress.

The best day of fishin’ ever!!!

Four young Sitka black-tailed bucks fell upon good luck Sunday as they were pulled from the icy waters of Stephens Passage, Alaska by a group of locals
on Tom Satre’s 62-foot charter vessel. Four juvenile Sitka black-tailed deer swam directly toward the boat..

Once the deer reached the boat, the four began to circle the boat, looking directly at the humans on board. Clearly, the bucks were distressed. With help, the typically skittish and absolutely wild animals came willingly onto the boat. Once onboard, they collapsed with exhaustion, shivering.


Here the rescued bucks rest on the back of Tom Satre’s boat, the Alaska Quest. All four deer were transported to Taku Harbour. Once the group reached the dock, the first buck that had been pulled from the water hopped onto the dock, looked back, then leapt into the harbour, swam to shore, and disappeared into the forest. After a bit of prodding and assistance from the humans, two others followed suit, but one

deer needed more help. Here he is being  transported by Tom Satre

Tom, Anna and Tim Satre help the last of the “button” bucks to its feet. They did not know how long the deer had been in the icy waters or if there had been others who did not survive.
The good Samaritans (humans) describe their experience as “one of those defining moments in life.” Im sure it was for the deer, as well.

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die. And toss away “personal” toys.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was
younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for
the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don’t want to have to restart my collection ….again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I
swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with beer than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid ‘Hood” routing option.

18. I sometimes have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod
and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up
to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years
for men to realize that their brain is also important.

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse .

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present , he thought it was time to
present the present .

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant,
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins

weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are
candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English
for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can
work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t
groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t
the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One

index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one

of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the
English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by

truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a

wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going
on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That

is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible.

PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’ ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other
two-letter word, and that is ‘ UP.’

It’s easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the
list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it
UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
We call UP our friends.
And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the
leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and
think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP .
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the
dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can
add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP
is used.
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP , you may
wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP …
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP .
When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry UP .

One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP ,
so…….it is time to shut UP !

Now it’s UP to you what you do with this email.