God and St. Francis — Funny

February 23, 2011

God and his conversation with St. Francis. FUNNY!

GOD:

Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What
in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened
to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started
eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those
plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply
with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to
see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these
green rectangles.

St.
FRANCIS:

It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The
Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went
to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD:

Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It
doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod
worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites
really want all that grass growing there?

ST.
FRANCIS:

Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow
it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass
and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:

The spring rains and warm weather probably make
grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST.
FRANCIS:

Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little,
they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:

They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:

Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put
it in bags.

GOD:

They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell
it?

ST. FRANCIS:

No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it
away.

GOD:

Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass
so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay
to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:

Yes, Sir.

GOD:

These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer
when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely
slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:

You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the
grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money
to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of
it.

GOD:

What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees.
That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The
trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in
the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a
natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the
trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:

You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have
drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them
into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:

No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree
roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST.. FRANCIS:

After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it
around in place of the leaves.

GOD:

And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:

They cut down trees and grind them up to make the
mulch.

GOD:

Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore.
St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you
scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:

‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….