Funny Emails

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
“Son, where were you today?”
The son says “at school dad.”
Robot slaps the son!
“Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!” the son says
“What dvd?” asks the father
“Toy story.”
Robot slaps the son again!

“Ok, it was a porno” cries the son.

“What!? When I was your age I didn’t know what porn was” says the dad. Robot slaps the dad!

Mom laughs “HaHaHa! He’s certainly your son.”

Robot slaps the mom!

Awkward Silence

A New York City yuppie moved to the country and
bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and
livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how
he was going to take up chicken farming. He then
asked to buy 100 chicks.
“That’s a lot of chicks,” commented the proprietor.
“I mean business,” the city slicker replied.
A week later the yuppie was back again. “I need another
100 chicks,” he said.

“Boy, you are serious about this
chicken farming,” the man told him.
“Yeah,” the yuppie replied. “If I can iron out a few
problems.”

“Problems?” asked the proprietor.

“Yeah,”
replied the yuppie, “I think I planted that last
batch too close together

The captions are very clever.

Mum? Can you come and get me down now?

I’m not coming out.
You’ll have to come in and get me.

Kung Fu Panda…bring it on!

On the count of three…. lift!

Does this log make my butt look fat?

Betcha can’t see me…..

Oops! Slight miscalculation.

You go. I’ll just stay here and rest my head a little bit.

It wasn’t me! I didn’t steal this bamboo shoot!
It was just sitting here, I swear it!

I’ll give you 2
seconds to get off me or I’m calling
Mom.

Pardon me but do you have a napkin?

Darn paparazzi! Could we have a little privacy please?

Dear Martha Stewart:
I have this brown stain on my nice, white, fluffy butt…

Shhhh! I’m reviewing…

I cannot believe that I’m stuck in this tree again.
What is the matter with me?

I’m sure there’s a way out somewhere.
I saw an ant go this way yesterday. 

Pandas looking for lost earrings….

Absolutely nothing accomplished.

The perfect day for a panda…

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…

A first grade teacher had a small number of children
gathered around a table for a reading group.
After the story was read she gave the children
a worksheet to do.

She thought they may have some problems
so wanted them to work on it there.

She heard a little girl say very softly “damn!”.

The teacher leaned over and said quietly,
“We don’t say that in school.”

The little girl looked at the teacher,
her eyes got very big and she said,
“Not even when things get all fucked up?!”