Funny Emails

Have you ever told a white lie? You’re going to
love this, especially all of the ladies who bake
for church events:Alice Grayson was to bake a cake
for the Baptist Church Ladies’ Group in Tuscaloosa,
but forgot to do it until the last minute. She
remembered it the morning of the bake sale and
after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel
food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair,
dressing, and helping her son pack for scout camp.

When she took the cake from the oven, the center had
dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured
and she exclaimed, “Oh dear, there is not time to
bake another cake!” This cake was important to Alice
because she did so want to fit in at her new church,
and in her new community of friends.
So, being inventive, she looked around the house for
something to build up the center of The cake. She
found it in the bathroom a roll of toilet paper. She
plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not
only did the finished product look beautiful, it
looked perfect. And, before she left the house to drop
the cake by the church and head for work,

Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions
to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30
and to buy the cake and bring it home. When the daughter
arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect
cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell
phone and called her mom. Alice was horrified – she was
beside herself! Everyone would know! What would they
think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed!
All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people
pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not
to think about the cake and would attend the fancy
luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church
member and try to have a good time. She did not really want
to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than
once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was
a single parent and not from the founding families of
Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP’d, she couldn’t
think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper
crust old south and to Alice’s horror, the cake in question
was presented for dessert!Alice felt the blood drain from
her body when she saw the cake! She started out of her chair
to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get
to her feet, the Mayor’s wife said, “What a beautiful cake!”

Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she
heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say,
“Thank you, I baked it myself.”
Alice just smiled and thought to herself, “God is good”

I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 .
I said “May I have large bills, please”?
She looked at me and said “I’m sorry sir; all the bills are the same size.
“When I got up off the floor I explained it to her….

IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘it’s open!’ His reply: ‘I know. I already got that side.
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

IDIOT SIGHTING

We had to have our garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us why. Our motor wasn’t large enough on the opener. I thought for a
minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head
and said, ‘Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, ‘NO, it’s not.’ Four is larger than two.’

We haven’t used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill plus a quarter. The bill was $4.25
She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said ‘We’re sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.’
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.

IDIOT SIGHTING

I live in a semi rural area.We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.The reason: ‘To many deer are being hit by cars out here. I don’t think it is a good idea for them to be crossing anymore.’

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’
To which I replied,

‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’
He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’

Happened in Birmingham, AL

IDIOT SIGHTING

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co- worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?’

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing,’
our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun. We should do this more often. Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights
stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself. And for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy
with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING

How would you pronounce this child’s name?
“Le-a”
Leah??

NO
Lee – A?? NOPE

Lay -

a?? NO

Lei?? Guess Again.

This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It’s pronounced “Ledasha”.

When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, “the dash don’t be silent.”

SO, if you see something come across your desk like
this please remember to pronounce the dash. If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don’t be silent.

Subject: FW: THEY ARE OUT THERE ??
I was in Hickory NC one day and my customer was talking about a blind man that walked through town. There was a train track right through town and he had to cross it every day. One day my customer watched as he approached it and there was a train coming. He stopped and waited. Later the customer asked the blind man how he knew the train was coming? The blind man replied, “Ever notice it makes a lot of noise?” This customer was the owner of a company.
STAY ALERT!

They walk among us…….and worst of all … they VOTE!!!!!!

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.  The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his   current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished ,naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed.
So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.  He said: “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
- “Did you dance much ?”
- “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

This will challenge you. Good luck.

THE MIDDLE EAST GEOGRAPHY QUIZ

This is more than challenging – it’s embarrassing.I hesitate to
call it fun, but actually it was educational.No wonder we
don’t understand what’s going on over there.

Drag the country’s name onto its correct position on the map. 

There is no score or time limit. This is a learning tool. 

Don’t be afraid to make an error, try again [and again, if need be!] and
once you have finished the puzzle you will be far more educated
about this very intense part of our world.

http://www.rethinkingschools.org/just_fun/games/mapgame.html