Funny Emails

> 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
>
> 2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
>
> 3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
>
> 4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
>
> 5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
>
> 6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
>
>
> THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
> The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
> There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles!

This gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology.
GPS
A friend had their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been
prominently mounted on the dashboard.
When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen.
The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It appeared that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.
Something to consider if you have a GPS – don’t put your home address in it. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen.
MOBILE PHONES — I would never have thought of this…….
This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet… etc… was stolen.
20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says ‘I received your text asking about our Pin number and I’ve replied a little while ago.’
When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text ‘hubby’ in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.
Moral of the lesson:
Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list.
Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc….
And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.

Also, when you’re being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don’t reach them, be very careful about going places to meet ‘family and friends’ who text you.

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars to buy some dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” the man asked him.

“No, I don’t waste time fishing,” the homeless man said. “I need to spend all my time just trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.

“Are you NUTS?” replied the homeless man, “I haven’t played golf in 30 years!”

“Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?” the man asked.

“What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?” exclaimed the homeless man.

“Well,” said the man, “I’m not going to give you the money.
Instead, I’m going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

The man replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex.”

This is for all of my cat-loving friends out there. I learned a few new things about felines.

1. Nose-to-nose greetings between cats are unusual, as it puts both in a vulnerable position. However, cats who know each other well but have been apart for a while feel safe enough to do this to confirm visual recognition and gain information about how the other cat is, where he has been and what he has been doing.
2. Purring usually indicates contentment, however, a deep purr can also indicate pain. If you know your cat well you will be able to tell the difference in his demeanor.

3. Cats start to purr at one week old and can do so continually as they inhale and exhale.

4. Young cats purr in a monotone, while older ones do so in two to three resonant notes.

5. Scientist still do not know exactly how the purring sound is made, although some believe that it originates in the cardiovascular system rather than the throat.

6. Cats appear to retain their kitten vocal signals to communicate with their owners, but they use and adult repertoire of sound with other cats.

7. Like dogs, cats can also get sick or die from eating chocolate.

8. Cats like to nap rather than sleep but if relaxed enough to enter a deeper sleep, they produce the same brain wave patterns that we do when we dream.

9. Cats blink and narrow their eyes when they accidentally make eye contact. To make friends with an unfamiliar cat, blink and look away when you catch his eyes

10. A cat’s pulse is between 160-240 beats per minute, depending on the age of the cat (the younger he is, the faster the heartbeat.)

11. Cats cannot understand punishment as humans do, they must be praised and rewarded for desired behavior instead.

12. Giving your cat a strip of raw meat everyday to chew on will keep his gums and teeth in good condition. Suitable meats include poultry, rabbit, or beef that has been deboned.

13. If your cat appears to be able to tolerate heat very well this is because the ancestors of cats were originally desert-living animals.