Dear

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns
————————————————-
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping
through them, they can never have an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about
that.
Sincerely, Logic
————————————————-
Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
—————————————————-
Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada
———————————————-
Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” Just
saying…
Sincerely, Google
————————————————-
Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF
happened?!
Sincerely,
1985
———————————————–
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
Sincerely, BP
—————————————————-
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people

—————————————————-
Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin
———————————————————-
Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies
———————————————————-
Dear Ugly People,
You’re welcome.
Sincerely, Alcohol
————————————————–
Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ended there because
some Spanish douche bags invaded our country and we got a little busy
ok?
Sincerely, The Mayans
——————————————————-
Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely, Native Americans
————————————————–
Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You
piece of shut.
Sincerely, Every iPhone User
——————————————————-
Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up….
Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore
———————————————
Dear Man,
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely, Elephant

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